Funny Joke Thread

Z

Zohan

Driver
like the title says just post funny jokes!:)

i will start.....

A guy walks into a sperm donor bank wearing a ski mask and holding a gun. He goes up to the nurse and demands her to open the sperm bank vault. She says "But sir, its just a sperm bank!", "I don't care, open it now!!!" he replies. So she opens the door to the vault and inside are all the sperm samples. The guy says "Take one of those sperm samples and drink it!", she looks at him "BUT, they are sperm samples???" , "DO IT!". So the nurse sucks it back. "That one there, drink that one as well.", so the nurse drinks that one as well. Finally after 4 samples the man takes off his ski mask and says, "See honey - its not that hard."


Joe goes in for his anual check up.

doctor comes into the room and says "Joe you need to stop masterbaiting"

Joe is in shock, he says "but why doc"

doctor replies "im trying to do your check up."
 
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whats the difference between jumping on a dead baby and jumping on a trampoline?





you take your boots off to jump on the trampoline.:laugh:






this ones really funny but really fucked up LMAO



how do you make a young girl cry twice?





you pull out your bloody dick and wipe it on her teddy bear :eek:
 
There is a little girl walking through the park with her mom and the little girls sees a couple having sex on a bench.... the girl asks her mom what they are doiing, the mom replies by saying they are just baking a cake. so later after the girl goes to bed the mom and boyfriend have sex out on the couch. the little wakes up in the morning and say to her mom.......



























did you guys bake a cake last night because i licked up the frosting!!!!!!:laugh:
 
the ka way said:
There is a little girl walking through the park with her mom and the little girls sees a couple having sex on a bench.... the girl asks her mom what they are doiing, the mom replies by saying they are just baking a cake. so later after the girl goes to bed the mom and boyfriend have sex out on the couch. the little wakes up in the morning and say to her mom.......



























did you guys bake a cake last night because i licked up the frosting!!!!!!:laugh:
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hahahahah thats great
 
one of my favorites:

A blonde guy gets home early from work and hears strange noises coming from the bedroom. He rushes upstairs to find his wife naked on the bed, sweating and panting.
"What's up?" he says.
"I'm having a heart attack," cries the woman.
He rushes downstairs to grab the phone, but just as he's dialing, his 4-year-old son comes up and says, "Daddy! Daddy! Uncle Ted's hiding in your closet and he's got no clothes on!"
The guy slams the phone down and storms upstairs into the bedroom, past his screaming wife, and rips open the wardrobe door. Sure enough, there is his brother, totally naked, cowering on the closet floor.
You rotten S.O.B, "says the husband, "my wife's having a heart attack and you're running around naked scaring the kids.

lmao. always makes me laugh.
 
First I think it's funny how sick our first nature jokes are:laugh:
Heard this at work--->>>
1. What's the best thing about twenty nine year olds.......?










Theres twenty of them:D
 
SAS said:
whats the difference between jumping on a dead baby and jumping on a trampoline?





you take your boots off to jump on the trampoline.:laugh:






this ones really funny but really fucked up LMAO



how do you make a young girl cry twice?





you pull out your bloody dick and wipe it on her teddy bear :eek:
Click to expand...




both of them are sick
 
womanke3.jpg
 
Ooook so stomping on babies(with steel tips BTW), blody teddies, oscar Mayer fudge packing party, semi CP licking man cream, professional drifters who worked for top secret blowing 100,000.00 k2000 civic in 6th gear, aaaaaaand no one gets banned......

...that sir, is a joke














Unless the black guy gets banned...
 
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there was a lady getting here annual vag check up. She has her legs on the stirups and the doctor comes and says omg i never seen anything like that before. So he calls the nurse to come in and she does and say omg i never seen anything like that before. So being all self conscious she is wondering wat they were talking about. She goes home gets naked and lays a mirror down on the floor. She stands over it and looks at her vag, her husband comes in and say honey wat are you doing? She replies im doing exercise. So he replies, well be careful that you dont fall in that hole in the floor


this one is pretty messed up.
you wanna hear a joke??
womens rights
 
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ...
 
TaGsThAsTreetZ said:
A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:
Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, may I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

Captain: Whose car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card. The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem. Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Really? Ain't that something? And I'll bet the lying sucker told you I was speeding, too ...
Click to expand...

too bad that doesnt work in real life
 
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